New research suggests that having a crush while in a committed relationship is far more common than people expect — and that not all attractions are equally harmless. Recent studies link persistent attraction to someone outside the relationship with lower satisfaction at home and a measurable rise in breakup risk, making this a timely topic for anyone navigating partnerships in an age of constant digital contact.
Surveys and follow-up studies collected in a 2025 analysis published in Personal Relationships show that somewhere between roughly 47% and 70% of adults in long-term monogamous relationships report feeling attracted to someone else at some point. That range captures fleeting interest as well as more sustained attraction, but the outcomes vary: in one short-term follow-up, only about 3% of participants acted on a crush within four months.
How common — and how risky — are crushes?
Feeling drawn to another person does not automatically signal that a relationship is failing. Many people experience momentary attraction that never interferes with their partnership. The risk increases, however, when the attraction is persistent and begins to take emotional energy away from the primary relationship.
A 2024 study in The Journal of Sex Research found that stronger ongoing attraction to someone outside the relationship tended to coincide with lower scores for what researchers call relationship quality, greater interest in cheating, and a higher chance of separating within just a few months. Those patterns suggest that a crush can be a symptom rather than the sole cause of trouble at home.
Why screens make crushes stickier
Unlike a coworker who leaves the office, people we find attractive online can be omnipresent. Social media and streaming content let parasocial connections — one-sided attachments to public figures or creators — follow us into daily life. Researchers label this phenomenon parasocial attraction, and it’s uniquely suited to sustaining fantasies: constant scrolling, repeated viewing, and the illusion of familiarity can deepen interest without the usual social checks.
That constant access also makes it easier to feed a crush: liking photos, re-watching videos, or repeatedly checking a profile are low-effort behaviors that nonetheless reinforce emotional investment.
| Feature | Harmless Crush | Red Flag |
|---|---|---|
| Frequency | Occasional thoughts that fade | Persistent, intrusive thinking |
| Emotional energy | Brief daydreams, no action | Preferential attention away from partner |
| Digital behavior | Rare or casual online interaction | Frequent checking, parasocial engagement |
| Impact on relationship | No meaningful change | Lower intimacy, increased conflict |
| Likely outcome (short-term) | No change | Higher risk of cheating or breakup |
Signs it’s more than a crush
Not every attraction will destabilize a partnership, but certain behaviors are warning signs. If you find yourself turning to the crush for emotional comfort, imagining a future with them, or routinely prioritizing interactions with them over your partner, those are signals to pause and reflect.
- Frequency and intensity: Recurrent, escalating thoughts about one person suggest the attraction is taking on a different role.
- Emotional substitution: Using the crush as an escape from relationship problems tends to postpone dealing with the underlying issues.
- Digital escalation: Excessive online engagement — comments, likes, DMs, or binge-watching someone’s content — can normalize ongoing fantasy.
Practical steps for readers
Recognizing a pattern early can reduce harm. Consider these measured responses that people and couples can try:
- Reflect privately on what the crush is giving you that your relationship is not — emotional novelty, validation, excitement — and whether those needs are addressable at home.
- Draw boundaries around online behavior: limit time spent following or engaging with the person who’s caught your attention.
- If the attraction is persistent and disruptive, have an honest conversation with your partner about relationship needs, not accusations.
- When problems persist, consider professional support. Couples therapy can help distinguish between a passing distraction and deeper compatibility issues.
In short, attraction outside a relationship is common and not inherently catastrophic. What matters most is whether that attraction is an isolated, short-lived flurry or an ongoing substitute for connection at home. Given how easily digital life amplifies interest, the most useful early move is to notice the pattern and address the underlying relationship needs before fantasies harden into consequences.
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Miles Harper focuses on optimizing your daily life. He shares practical strategies to improve your time management, well-being, and consumption habits, turning your routine into lasting success.