Unveiling Narcissism: What Traits Define a True Narcissist?

Nowadays, it feels like the term “narcissist” is tossed around all too freely on social media. Someone betrayed you? Narcissist. They broke up with you suddenly? Narcissist. They forgot to call you back? Definitely a narcissist.

If everyone accused of being a narcissist truly was one, we’d be living in an even scarier world than we already do. The truth is, only about 1% to 2% of the population in the United States actually has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Most of the time, the people being labeled as narcissists are just plain selfish or inconsiderate.

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissism is actually a personality trait, not a disorder, although the two are often confused. Many people wrongly label others as narcissists just because they exhibit a few characteristics associated with the disorder.

The Mayo Clinic defines narcissistic personality disorder as a mental condition where individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, coupled with a lack of empathy for others. Behind their facade of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

It’s important to note that someone can show signs of narcissism without being a full-blown narcissist or having NPD.

Different Forms of Narcissism

Narcissism can manifest in several forms, each with distinct characteristics. The three common types are overt, covert, and antagonistic narcissism.

Grandiose or overt narcissism is characterized by an exaggerated self-view and a demand for constant admiration. Individuals with this type of narcissism believe they deserve to be the center of everyone’s world.

Conversely, vulnerable or covert narcissists appear shy and insecure, often masquerading their narcissistic tendencies behind a mask of humility. Despite this, they tend to be manipulative, frequently play the victim, and seek excessive reassurance.

Antagonistic narcissism, true to its name, involves individuals who often deliberately provoke others, display aggressive behaviors, and show a stark lack of empathy.

Factors Contributing to Narcissism

A recent comprehensive review in the journal Personality and Individual Differences highlights a link between various types of narcissism and attachment styles, particularly insecure ones.

Megan Willis, Associate Professor at the School of Behavioural and Health Sciences, Australian Catholic University, and co-author of the study, discussed these findings in her article in The Conversation.

“Our meta-analysis, which pooled results from 33 earlier studies involving over 10,000 participants, examined the association between narcissism and adult attachment styles. We found that narcissism is indeed connected to all three insecure attachment styles,” Willis explained.

“However, a fascinating pattern emerged when we separated the data for the two main types of narcissism. Vulnerable narcissism was consistently associated with insecure attachment styles, particularly preoccupied and fearful ones, whereas grandiose narcissism showed no such correlation,” she added.

While it’s easy to vilify narcissists for their egregious behaviors, it’s important to recognize that these traits often stem from deep-seated pain.

“For some individuals, vulnerable narcissism may develop as a defensive mechanism in response to early experiences of instability, neglect, or abuse,” Willis mentioned.

As for treatment, Willis suggests attachment-focused therapies, such as schema therapy or emotionally focused therapy. Furthermore, nurturing parenting and a loving childhood can play crucial roles in preventing such personality issues from developing.