Compliments can warm a first message, but a new poll suggests they often have a different purpose on dating apps. A recent Hily survey found many young American women interpret fast-moving praise as a warning sign—often a tactic to rush emotional or physical intimacy.
The Hily study reports that more than half of women surveyed see an early flood of compliments as a red flag, and nearly three-quarters believe it’s a ploy to accelerate intimacy. Dating coach Julie Nguyen, speaking to the New York Post, warned that intense admiration before people know each other can feel like projection rather than honest observation.
How fast praise turns suspicious
Compliments become problematic when they compress time. Calling someone “perfect” or claiming you’ve “found your soulmate” within minutes creates an emotional push that many women find uncomfortable. Nguyen says such declarations can manufacture obligation before trust exists.
Online conversations back this up. In threads on Reddit, users called rapid successive compliments a form of love-bombing—insincere flattery meant to charm quickly. One commenter noted that after ten minutes of chatting, a stranger can’t genuinely know who you are as a friend or parent, which makes the flattery feel transactional.
What women prefer — and what they reject
Survey results show clear patterns: most women would rather hear praise about what they bring to a relationship than an early critique of looks. The numbers are striking and practical:
- Over 50% view too many early compliments as a potential warning sign.
- 73% say rapid compliments are often intended to speed up intimacy.
- Only 11% feel comfortable receiving compliments very early in dating.
- 72% would prefer a compliment about personality rather than appearance.
Comments with sexual overtones and comparisons to ex-partners ranked among the most unwelcome. Women in the survey flagged sexual remarks as an easy reason to ghost someone, while being likened to an ex was the least desirable form of praise for both genders.
Practical signs to watch for
It helps to separate sincere noticing from strategic flattery. Early compliments that reference something demonstrable—like a laugh mentioned after a longer conversation—are easier to trust than blanket statements about destiny or chemistry that appear before any real exchange.
- Signs of genuine compliments: Specific, observable, tied to an interaction (e.g., “You have a sharp sense of humor” after a witty back-and-forth).
- Signs of manipulation: Overly intense praise, repeated sexual references, or claims of unique connection without time to know you.
Reading the tone and timing matters: praise that arrives gradually and follows shared information usually carries more weight than declarations delivered in the first few messages.
For people using dating apps, the takeaway is simple. Compliments aren’t inherently bad, but context and pacing reveal intent. When admiration feels rushed or formulaic, trust your instincts and look for consistency: do words match actions over time? If not, the praise is more likely an opening gambit than genuine interest.
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