Floodlighting Alert: Beware of This Toxic Dating Trend Sweeping the Nation!

From oversharing to trauma-dumping to floodlighting, it seems like these behaviors are often lumped together. Interestingly, some of these tendencies might stem from more sinister motivations.

In today’s media-saturated environment, we frequently encounter new terminology that describes what are labeled as “toxic” behaviors. These terms often reflect normal human actions, yet they can also have manipulative undertones, whether intentional or not.

One such term that is currently circulating online is “floodlighting.”

Brené Brown, a well-known author of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage, describes floodlighting as the act of sharing an excessive amount of personal information as a defense mechanism against true vulnerability.

“Calling this oversharing vulnerability? Not quite,” she explains. “I prefer to term it floodlighting.”

Is Floodlighting Harmful?

An expert from the dating app industry has pointed out the potential dangers of this behavior.

“In the context of dating, floodlighting is like using vulnerability as an intense spotlight,” explains Jessica Alderson, co-founder of the dating app So Synced, in a conversation with Glamour. “It’s about unloading a barrage of personal details all at once—to test the waters, accelerate intimacy, or gauge if the other person can ‘handle’ these aspects of you.”

On one side, I see this as a kind of compulsion to seek reassurance, not necessarily as a manipulative tactic. Yet, I also recognize how it can be used to pressure or hasten intimacy with someone else.

Alderson notes that signs of floodlighting include rapidly sharing detailed personal information, a disproportionate exchange of information, an intense and quick emotional connection, and a careful observation of how the other person reacts to the shared details.

Consider a scenario where you meet someone from a dating app and decide to go out for drinks a few days later. During the date, you start discussing your childhood, specifically talking about your parents’ divorce and other traumatic experiences. You continue by explaining how these events affect your current views on love and loyalty, and your insecurities in dating. Throughout this conversation, you’re keenly observing your date’s reactions to see if they can “handle” you, testing their limits and their tolerance.

To some, this might just sound like a typical first date—where the urgency to share personal traumas can be high, and joking about such oversharing is common. However, floodlighting usually involves a darker, often unconscious, intent.

If you find yourself engaging in floodlighting, it might be worth exploring why and addressing the underlying issues related to vulnerability.